antimetabole: (39)
Vergil ([personal profile] antimetabole) wrote in [personal profile] oratoria 2025-06-26 06:59 am (UTC)

[It should perhaps be an easy question to answer. There is an obvious binary to it after all. Either he's successful or he's not. However...]

It's not as simple as that.

[Vergil would like to give her a straightforward, simple answer of yes or no. But a response in either direction would be a misrepresentation of what it is to walk the path he does now.]

I will concede that I am not a full-blooded demon. There is and always has been something inside me that has always made me more prone to think and feel in ways not dissimilar from full-blooded humans. But I grew accustomed to not merely ignoring it. I refused to recognize it as part of me at all. Casting it aside altogether became second nature. [Until he went to such extreme lengths as to excise it from him completely, but Vergil does not bring that up now. He merely looks to a spot on the floor somewhere in the vast amount of space between them, the furrow in his brow deepening as though he were lost in thought.] I no longer choose that, but it is still a choice for me.

[A messy and, at times, complicated choice, but a choice nonetheless. Vergil raises his gaze again after a brief pause.]

And I cannot ignore the fact there are still days and times that I yearn for when I chose to ignore it. When I doubt my own resolve.

And yet, the fact I cannot comfortably say to you that I am now more man than devil does not lead me to stop trying.

[So, it's not a matter of whether it is working or not. Not when it's impossible to envision the possibility of an endpoint where it is no longer a choice. Vergil doesn't believe it can ever be that way for him, not after everything. Instead, it's a matter of daily, sometimes momentary choice as Vergil implied with his answer that prompted this question from Kyrie in the first place.]

I recognize this may be an unsatisfactory answer to your question, but it is the truth. As best I know it to be.

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